February 27, 2012 Comments Off on yea
And yes, explanation: I’ve moved. If I don’t sell books, you can find me sleeping or running though, yeah I’m sure you’ll most likely be acquainted with the latter, seriously, what am I thinking? In Haruki Murakami’s Sputnik Sweetheart, the main character, Sumire faces a serious writer’s block after falling in love with a woman 15 years her senior, named Miu. The truth is I don’t really feel like writing either these days. It’s true the words keep swimming inside my head and I feel the urge to set them free but in the end, I realize that there’s only one person I hope can be the first—and the only one—to hear all the stories (mostly nonsense) that I want to let out of my deluging mind that in the end will only force me to drown myself if I don’t. I guess that’s what happens when one falls in love with a real person for the first time. Real as in being so physically close and all the mixed up feelings and emotions of being happy and sad, delightful and hurtful, beautiful and ugly at the mere sight of that person. I can’t say I’ve completely left behind my previous impossible love for it—and especially that special someone—makes me who I am today but after all that’s been said and done, I can’t make the impossible to cross the other side—my side—of the river that flows with possibility of us being together what’s with I’ve never seen this person for nearly five years and also it’s because I’ve the utmost respect for this person’s entire being—who you really are and all that you wish for. I’m sorry for not trying hard enough and I really want to see you again one day where we will talk about us—me about my laughably immovable learning progress and you about your career that I really have the utmost respect for. I’m sorry but your presence in my life makes me realise of so great many things about myself I had previously been blissfully ignorant of like the desire to stop pleasing people by doing what they ask me to do even if it clashes murderously with my entire being in order to be loved. Because of you, I learn what it’s like to love someone so deep. Thank you so very much.
My sincere thanks to those who read this blog. It surprises me after nearly a year to see the stat still kicking and running. Thank you. Now that I’m here, please just bear with my inconsistency for quite some time.
February 10, 2012 § Leave a comment
“It hurts when I don’t see her, and when I do. It hurts whether she’s here, or whether she’s not. Hurts whether she smiles at me, or smiles at someone else. Hurts whether she calls my name, or doesn’t. As long as I don’t disappear into the earth, I think I’ll continue to feel hurt, but still, being here is better. Being able to see her is better than her not being here.”
“How can you like someone like that?”
The truth is I don’t know.